What women want
I scaled totally into a new high of disdain after watching the recent episode of the talk show "Neeya Naana". The fabric of the discussion was to bring into "limelight" the perfect recipe for a complete man and women. That’s when the magic formula unfolded, the group of women had the following commandments to identify the male's fitness to marry them
- Rs 50,000 salary per month (mostly everybody agreed on it)
- A double bedroom flat with centralized AC
- Car and other accessories
- A double bedroom flat with centralized AC
- Car and other accessories
I was really amazed, as to how, not even a single women wanted to affirm that they wanted a self-confident dude or a person who is aiming for a success in his career. They never stated that they wanted a male who had a good character; at least i wanted to assume that it was implicit in the whole argument, because i believe that our society has not become so progressive in morality.
If this is the clad our women are willing to adore, i feel ashamed of living in such a society where materialistic benchmarks are woven in a relationship which is to be build out of love, care and trust. To be true, let me acknowledge that i have been a feminist in most of my arguments and advocated them to be a better gene. Now i feel bitter, in an era when women are equally empowered as men in the current urban setup, they manage to come up with such disgusting fitness tests which could only impair happiness.
The reasons they give are quite substantial; they seek a high yielding fixed income generating securitiy not for themselves but for the well being of the family. The higher premium (100%) for men compared to their salary is to avoid unwarranted ego clashes. They believe that happiness can be derived from the higher level of income.
The complete complexion of the society changes when monetary benchmarks become a strict barrier. The males in our Indian society obviously want to get married to the opposite sex; we have not progressed to a point where marriage becomes an option. Let me be blatant, free sex or dating or gayly life or live-in is not yet a fad in India, you can't get married in late thirties like the western society. So the only limited solution for the males who wanna get married is to chase money, losing track of their career.
I can see people around me who get themselves blinded to money, get into a jobs which only shows the ugly face of incompetence. They end up as nincompoops who can't shift their career when they realize that the existing job doesn't suit them. When they leap out to find their passion, they are outcast due to the existing branding about them, they can't take a salary cut, they have enough burdens in the form of home loans and car EMI's. This is perfect prescription for unhappiness. We are creating a situation where we gonna face a serious midlife crisis where people would have money and no sense of achievement in their jobs because they lack competence or just that the job doesn't provide enough opportunities to exhibit them.
I was looking at this documentary in BBC last Saturday, which kind of outlines how marginal increase in economic prosperity does not contribute the happiness quotient. In a world of consumerism, happiness short lives as we have new versions of the existing product coming into the market every other day. A consumer who buys a N93 is unhappy when the prices slash in the near term and there is another XYZ 78, which comes to the market with better features. Consumerism is just the great grand daddy maneuvering the developed world, which have higher economic prosperity. It is a myth that economic prosperity beyond a level leads to happiness. The entire western world is caught with this disease; happiness-economist and sociologist are pleading governments to curtail advertisements, which provoke the game of consumerism and ultimately making people unhappy.
The erstwhile society had ugliness in the name of dowry that kind of sold the bride grooms to the brides. Now, are the women seeking revenge? I feel, this would do any good. I can't understand the premium issue that their counterpart should be earning higher. When we were are in a framework where women are fighting for equal status, why is there a disparity in seeking a partner with higher income. Are they treating themselves as unequal or inferior, have they lost the battle before it has begun, I never thought they were masters in meeky submission. If they feel that higher salary solves the problem, they have lost the battle because they agree even then. Please don’t tell me that women don't have egos!
Lets assume that the 100% premium is right to live a happy life. I atleast assume that they are cognizant of the fact that every company gives equal salary for men and women who are employed in every sector. Then how does their fantasy accept that a male can have a 100% higher salary for a male who is just elder to them? We can expect more bogus salary slips to entice women to marry them and many more versions of "Naan Aavan Illai".
Let us not sell and buy each other; we are not commodities who cater to supply, demand and market conditions!
If this is the clad our women are willing to adore, i feel ashamed of living in such a society where materialistic benchmarks are woven in a relationship which is to be build out of love, care and trust. To be true, let me acknowledge that i have been a feminist in most of my arguments and advocated them to be a better gene. Now i feel bitter, in an era when women are equally empowered as men in the current urban setup, they manage to come up with such disgusting fitness tests which could only impair happiness.
The reasons they give are quite substantial; they seek a high yielding fixed income generating securitiy not for themselves but for the well being of the family. The higher premium (100%) for men compared to their salary is to avoid unwarranted ego clashes. They believe that happiness can be derived from the higher level of income.
The complete complexion of the society changes when monetary benchmarks become a strict barrier. The males in our Indian society obviously want to get married to the opposite sex; we have not progressed to a point where marriage becomes an option. Let me be blatant, free sex or dating or gayly life or live-in is not yet a fad in India, you can't get married in late thirties like the western society. So the only limited solution for the males who wanna get married is to chase money, losing track of their career.
I can see people around me who get themselves blinded to money, get into a jobs which only shows the ugly face of incompetence. They end up as nincompoops who can't shift their career when they realize that the existing job doesn't suit them. When they leap out to find their passion, they are outcast due to the existing branding about them, they can't take a salary cut, they have enough burdens in the form of home loans and car EMI's. This is perfect prescription for unhappiness. We are creating a situation where we gonna face a serious midlife crisis where people would have money and no sense of achievement in their jobs because they lack competence or just that the job doesn't provide enough opportunities to exhibit them.
I was looking at this documentary in BBC last Saturday, which kind of outlines how marginal increase in economic prosperity does not contribute the happiness quotient. In a world of consumerism, happiness short lives as we have new versions of the existing product coming into the market every other day. A consumer who buys a N93 is unhappy when the prices slash in the near term and there is another XYZ 78, which comes to the market with better features. Consumerism is just the great grand daddy maneuvering the developed world, which have higher economic prosperity. It is a myth that economic prosperity beyond a level leads to happiness. The entire western world is caught with this disease; happiness-economist and sociologist are pleading governments to curtail advertisements, which provoke the game of consumerism and ultimately making people unhappy.
The erstwhile society had ugliness in the name of dowry that kind of sold the bride grooms to the brides. Now, are the women seeking revenge? I feel, this would do any good. I can't understand the premium issue that their counterpart should be earning higher. When we were are in a framework where women are fighting for equal status, why is there a disparity in seeking a partner with higher income. Are they treating themselves as unequal or inferior, have they lost the battle before it has begun, I never thought they were masters in meeky submission. If they feel that higher salary solves the problem, they have lost the battle because they agree even then. Please don’t tell me that women don't have egos!
Lets assume that the 100% premium is right to live a happy life. I atleast assume that they are cognizant of the fact that every company gives equal salary for men and women who are employed in every sector. Then how does their fantasy accept that a male can have a 100% higher salary for a male who is just elder to them? We can expect more bogus salary slips to entice women to marry them and many more versions of "Naan Aavan Illai".
Let us not sell and buy each other; we are not commodities who cater to supply, demand and market conditions!
If you are still convinced that the salary is a criterion, assuming a 50k salary per month, an expected market return of 10% and growth rate of 5% per year, the boy is worth 1.20 crore in present value terms. Don’t pay more than that for the dowry
(PS: Lets not complain that men are equally bad, obviously men are equally fantasy dwellers, just because somebody is bad, it does not give liberty to mimic them. Utlimately it would be a baggage of garbage)
Labels: society
Cant eat or drink money... be happy with what you've
The reasons people marry vary widely, but usually include one or more of the following: legal, social and economic stability; the formation of a family unit; procreation and the education and nurturing of children; legitimizing sexual relations; public declaration of love
I think sara u r perfectly right in saying that economic stability could not be the only reason for marriage..
Posted by
Santhosh Jain |
3:09 am
//the boy is worth 1.20 crore in present value terms//
I assume, by "the boy", u refer to yourself. Just a few observations!
1. The price is pretty steep given the hidden, contingent liabilities and unbearable intangible attributes of the issue.
2. With such a high price, the issue would be severely under-subscribed, if at all if you are lucky enough, a few "intelligent" gals would grossly go wrong in their valuations and misprice the issue
3. With such a high risk, the underwriting fees would be pretty high. So the net proceeds would be paltry.
4. Better lower the offer price in your next post, before the stock wastes away by being in the inventory through its life and end up in a mueseum.
Posted by
Unknown |
4:28 am
yes, we live in a materialistic world. all indian arranged marriages depend on social status, lineage and wealth. character quotient is a mere gutfeel in the process of matchmaking. women want to be submissive, atleast most of them, choose to lay down their independence for security, career for family, education for womanhood, love for money. this way its easier for the men anyways.
Posted by
vinod |
12:56 am
Sara this looks like reverse dowry daa. A 2 Bed room Appt with Centralized A/C in chennai will be worth more than 1 Cr man. You calculated future value by using furure salary reciepts, do add the Fixed assets (Home, cars, to it) to get the value. If a guy quotes only 1.2 crores, then he is going to be oversubcribed!
chandru
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:59 pm
Sara,
half of the problems in the families would be solved , if only men knew what women want... puriyatha pudhir ithu
Posted by
Parthasarathy S |
10:21 pm
Hi! I also wrote a post about the same topic that you've written here. You can go and read it here
http://inthenameofreason.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/on-the-neeya-naana-sequel/
I wanted to write a post on this topic a long time ago. But after reading yours, I had the impulse to write one too.
Priya
Posted by
Priya |
10:28 pm
The modern educated woman should be able to make almost as much money as a man. A man cannot have a family by himself. With 999 female out of 1000 aborted, there should be a bigger supply of men than of women. Why does the Indian society still feel that a dowry is needed to persuade a man to marry a woman?
My guess for reasons of the citing of material stuff would be: following along lines of others (if the first one would have started with good heart and kind words as qualities, others might have fallen in line), second there is lot of competition and poverty still there, so financial security is needed to feel comfortable and in good standing among family and friends, third, they might have felt silly talking about the immaterial qualities, which they hope for or expect in their life partner.
So how much should one deduct from the dowry to make up for the woman's potential to earn money, for her housekeeping, and for her health and pain sacrifices of having kids?
It's quite interesting how the movie stories contrast with most real (material) Indian people, but I think/hope, that there are some romantic feelings in real life as well...
Posted by
The Learn Hindi Podcast |
8:34 pm